MMMMMMMMMM Sleep

I love my sleep. Anyone who knows me knows that.

Sleep-ins are one of the greatest inventions of all time for me. Not that I get to have them all that much now.

Today, however I didn't have a sleep in. I had exactly the opposite. I was in the shower at 6am and had left home at 6:45. What gave me the motivation to do this you ask?

Well, I was heading into Oxford to have a coffee with Jenna before work. She was off to a first aid course and had to get up early to get there. And man, do I feel great for doing it. We had a really nice breakfast and an alright coffee - as UK standards go - and chatted before we caught our separate busses to head to our destinations.

The morning was actually really nice as well - as far as being up at that time of day goes. We commented on how it was nice to be up that early - once you are actually up and going, because man it didn't feel nice standing in the shower at 6am, half asleep thinking oh man, I wish I was still asleep.

And then, as I do, I got to thinking about this.

Every day, I think that I should spend some time with God. If I want to develop my relationship with him, then I should spend time talking to him and reading his word. It seems fairly logical. If you want to get to know someone, you hang out with them.

Same old story. "I can't find the time", "I want to - but it's just hard to do it", "I always fall asleep when I do it in bed" or how about, "I'm just too darn lazy and selfish to do it".

I can stay up all night playing playstation if I want to. I can watch movies until all hours of the morning. I can even read a book I'm interested in until late, if I'm really motivated - probably would need to have something to do with Star Wars though.

But I can't, or won't and don't seem to make the time - take the time - to spend with God. Why is this? Is it hard to do - no I don't think so. Is it not fulfilling? - no I always find it to be very fulfilling, in different ways and some times more than others, but it's definitely fulfilling. Does it not stimulate me? - no, I will inevitably come away with something to think about and discuss (if someone is willing to discuss it with me).

So why is it that I don't make the time? I think that I'm just doo darn lazy and selfish to do it.

I often imagine what it would be like to be as 'spiritual' and wise as some of the people I hold in high esteem as spiritual mentors. Do they have anything that I don't, well not necessarily - apart from years and logically more mistakes and struggles because they've had more time.

It is a strange thing that I still would love to figure out. I always have an excuse of "when (insert thing here) happens, I'll be much better". What a crock!

Although, there are times that I do get off my butt and do it, but unfortunately these only turn out to be seasons, and I then evenutally go onto the same ramble that I am doing now. Perhaps I should just harden up, realise that I'm being lazy and selfish and ask God's forgiveness.

The scary thing about that is, I have to do something about it...

Isn't it odd

To my loyal fan base.

Each time I update my blog here, I eagerly await the comments that flood in. The funny thing is, I know that only one person - you know who you are, reads this and takes the time to comment.

And for some reason I continue to write random stuff.

Isn't it odd what we do even though it is so inconsequential.

But for now, I am content having a conversation with my fan base across cyber space.

1 blog and comment at a time.

Cheers

I WON THE LOTTERY!!!

What a sad world we live in...

On the bus to work this morning I heard two women talking about how one of them is finalising her divorce today and how 'exciting' it is.

She obviously was paid out a decent amount of money by her ex-husband, as she said she called the phone banking three times just to hear the bank say her huge new balance. "Drinks are on me" she said about the night she will be having tomorrow with her girlfriends.

The one hearing about this said, "it's kind of like winning the lottery isn't it?"

What the...?!?

Last night on the way home from work, I also heard about some college student who sold her virginity on e-bay.

Sometimes I wonder if there is any good left in this world!

Then I remember the hope we have...

Man I'm Bored

As I sit here at work, I wonder what everyone is doing at home. Realising that you are all asleep, as it is 3:45 in the morning. Aren't time zones and seasons weird? It is a strange thought and feeling knowing that I am so far away from the people that I love and miss - maybe it's just jealousy that you are (most likely) all in bed.

But the reality is that the world has never been smaller! I can phone any of you at any time - whether or not you are happy to hear from me at any time is a different story. I can MSN chat to most of you. I could even get my act into gear and organise a web cam so I could see you while I chat.

And yet, again I realise that you are all asleep. Going about your lives - indifferent to whether I am in them or not. I say that not in a depressing or sad-sack way, but in the reality that if you weren't to continue your lives as normal, and you focussed on the fact that I am not there, you would miss me more (than you do [or don't] now) and it would be pointless.

Would my time over here in jolly old England be better if I could see you all and hang out whenever I wanted like I could when I was at home? If there was a way I could teleport myself, or just jump in my (non-existent) car and visit, would there really be any point in coming to the other side of the world to both have a break from the normality and the comfort of my life in New Zealand?

And I get off the phone after my fourth call to our letting agent to find out if there is any further information as to when we might be able to move into our flat, knowing only that they will now contact another 'reference' - the airline Jenna will be working for, who of course has met Jenna once and had two phone calls with her - before we will be able to have the meeting to sign the contract and pay the incredibly huge bond and fee. I wonder if we will ever get into our own place, and out of the Bradford's house.

And when that day does come, what will it hold? Will it be all that we imagined. Having our very own bedroom, not having one room for our whole house. An apartment in town... not town like Auckland, but still it's in the centre of the town we live in. Close enough to spit on my bus stop - not that I would, or want to - but I could! Accross the road from a gym and a pub. 20 minutes walk away from the Bradford's house and 2 minutes walk away from the small movie theatre that gets everything about a month later than all of the main movie theatres.

Then I think about the fact that Jenna's job will take her away from me for 4 days at a time. She will go and hang out in L.A.; maybe go to Disneyland or Universal Studios - two of my favourite places in the world; maybe she'll just hang out in her swanky hotel room reading her book or watching TV. And I'll be at home, freezing my little behind off in the freezing cold English winter probably wondering what to do. Now I can think of a lot of things to do, but are they really worth not having Jenna with me? I knew that this would be the sacrifice of her going for this job and I know that it really is the best thing for her, and probably us both at the moment while there is so much for us to work out before we get back home.

Home... bringing me full circle to where I began this little thought.

I imagine what it will be like going home... seing the people that I love and miss - maybe it's just jealousy that you are (most likely) all in bed...